Tuesday, June 15, 2010

america hates fathers

it's true. Americans hate fathers. You always hear about how awful these estranged fathers are, but as often as you hear about these scenarios, some father out there is waving goodbye to his two-year-old as his cracked out ex-wife has the toddler tucked underneath one arm, only to probably use the child as a weapon later to get something she wants.

"Do you want to see your kid this weekend? I need a babysitter."

Sidenote: Calvin's dad was awesome.

It's significantly more accepted among Americans for a child not to have their father in their life, and hundreds of blockbusters have used the same scenario as a story of trial and triumph.

Disney may be the worst perpetrator of this behavior--almost every single movie is a family with some sort of broken and dysfunctional home. Mainly, because dad left it in shambles.

Cinderella left her to the evil stepmother, Bambi's dad probably had a whole other forest family, Andy from Toy Story doesn't talk about his Dad (neither does crazy next door "Sid"), Dumbo, the Aristocats, the Rescuers. None of them have dads. Not to mention the "ultimate single moms": Erin Brockovich, the mom in E.T., Dorothy in Jerry Maguire, Terms of Endearment, Little Women and a slew of others.

And if a Disney character isn't an orphan in the beginning of the movie, they will be by the end.

Nemo. Bambi. The Lion King. The Fox and the Hound. Tarzan lost both father figures after gorilla father was shot. Jungle Book. Aladdin. Snow White, Arthur from Sword in the Stone, Taran from the Black Cauldron, and Peter Pan is really just a litter of orphan boys.

Dads are awarded sole custody of their children less than 10% of the time, and Americans portray them as the villains.

But the point of this post, is that father's day is coming up.

Some of you may be thinking, Father's Day? What the is that? The media makes a huge hype out of Valentine's and Mother's Day, and most of the time, Father's day is never even announced. You see mother's day commercials exploiting diamonds, cars, flowers, and shopping, but I have yet to see a commercial for "Old Spice" on sale, or even a three-pack of Hanes V-Neck tees.

Sure, dads are hard to shop for. But that doesn't mean we should pretend this Sunday doesn't exist. Has anyone else noticed how much emphasis is NOT being put on fathers these days?

Father's day is this Sunday, June 20th. The least I can do is remind you, right?

And in case you needed it, ten more reasons why Americans hate dads. This is a list that came out last week of the top 10 most popular (and awful) father's day gifts of the past 10 years. are you kidding me?


1. A necktie
particularly ones containing any sort of cartoon characters.

2. Nose hair clippers.
this is the sort of thing that should really be brought up ever. if you love your dad, leave his personal hygiene out of the gift giving.

3. any sort of infomercial exercise equipment.
or exercise equipment in general. this item also makes the top ten worst mother's day gifts. gifting exercise equipment clearly implies that you think their body is needing some attention. and that you noticed.

4. chia pet
convincing your dad to grow grass hair on an animal or character shaped pottery piece, in places he no longer can grow hair is not a good idea. unless your dad is already an avid collector of character pottery that grows grass in a window sill, just leave this one on the drugstore shelf.

5. the singing fish
maybe it's the fish. maybe it's the song the fish sings. maybe it's because it's motion activated. we'll never know.

6. cologne
never give your dad any incentive to splash something on instead of taking a shower.

7. opera tickets
some dads may actually enjoy an evening out at the opera. most dads wont. giving your dad tickets to something just so he'll have to take you is just messed up.

8. colored golf balls
just because you got them on discount, don't count on him putting these in his golf bag.

9. Self-help books
"Dad, I just really wish I'd turned out differently. And it's probably your fault."

10. Barbecue Apron
are you trying to humiliate him? Give him his tongs and his worcestshire. He'll be fine.

(List thanks to ezinearticles.com)


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Love the worst ten gifts! Very sad but true. We love our dad...you forgot to mention that! Oh and any gift ideas for him?