things that really chap my hide

1. huntington beach law enforcement
what a douche.
2. people who read out loud while they're typing
3. couples who sit on the same side of a booth in a restaurant
4. the mercy rule in baseball and soccer, now also instituted in the baseball for wii
(why would you ever teach your children to stop playing when they're ahead, or to stop trying when they're behind? this is not the way the world works.)
5. Fat people told they are too big to use the gym
it never hurt any of the Biggest Loser equipment.
6. media trying to convince everyone that Sara Jessica Parker is "sexy" or any kind of attractive
also, Maggie Gyllenhaal. nothing personal Mags.
7. LA students being taught that the new Arizona immigration laws are "un-American"
(this coming from a Mexican)
8. Couples that find out they are siblings, and decide to still procreate
9. Lakers fans
*especially Lakers fans not from California
10. Students who ask inane questions to make themselves look smart, and end up prolonging the class period. You're not impressing anyone
Pre-law is not a major.
11. the use of "yer" in text messages.
Maybe worse than lol'ing.
12. talking ten minutes to a tele-prompter before you get to an actual employee
13. identity theft
14. old asian women texting while driving in their mercedes-benz
15. people you've met at least three times who refuse to remember not only your name, but having met you at all
16. robbery that is now considered to be ok, as long as it's perpetrated by a well-known umpire and the victim's last name is galarraga

As long as it ends up smoothed over with a new Corvette.

you deserve to be ultimate punched

1. ward prayers turned firesides without us knowing
(seriously, tell us to bring the diet coke and popcorn, I would not have been as mad)

2. yozone taking away our frozen yogurt sampling agency
(they really do come around the counter and ask you which one you'd like to sample. were they really losing that much money in yogurt shots?)

3. airport buddies - the kind who think just because you sit next to them means you must be interested.

4. waking up at 5am to train clients. (that's for megan. I would never)

5. airport food.
dear delta and southwest airlines, peanuts and half a diet coke does not a meal make.
why must you take the honey out of honey roasted? the salted are just not that good.
times are tough you guys. we're in a recession.

6. cats

7. walking around a soggy campus, and approximately three classes in feel as if you've actually waded through a medium sized pond.

8. tapping

9. heavy breathing dorito eaters in the testing center

10. road bikers

11. standardized tests

ultimate punch

1. people that read out loud to themselves.
2. people who clap in movie theatres.
3. people who bring toddlers into said movie theatres after 11pm.
4. heavy breathing dorito eaters.
5. leprechauns.
6. UNLV fans
7. people that don't know how to drive and take it out on you by flipping you off.
maybe in the sunflower market parking lot.
8. double negatives.
9. washing your hair in the kitchen sink.
flour...vanilla...cereal...suave...bread...
10. pedestrians
11. $1 blockbuster rentals that say they're free but actually still charge you a dollar. plus tax.
12. people who write "noone" instead of "no one" and "should of" instead of "should have".
you know who you are.
13. being seated in a party room at a restaurant when you're not there with the party.

things I do appreciate:

HANDICAP PARKING.

adds 10 minutes to my sleeping time and allows me to be on time to class.
this month anyway.

really useful when it is a blizzard outside, which brings me to fourteen.

14. 55 degree weather and then being kiboshed by a blizzard.

things I want to ultimate punch in the face

this has been building up in me for some time now.
there are more than a few things I cannot stand, and that I have more than once felt
an urge to ultimate punch in the face.
and so should you.


here are the things I would like to ultimate punch in the face.


1. obamacare
2. people that describe themselves as fun..but spell it out "F-U-N"
3. people that say "knock-knock" after they've already opened the door.
4. provo parking police
5. testing center fees
6. people who think it's funny to text you from a number you don't have saved and then refuse to tell you who it is.
7. the person who thinks they've been "chosen" just because they got called before you in the doctor's office.
8. "wowzers"
9. at home tai-bo
10. guys who lift together and yell, "you've got one more in you boss!" at the gym
11. professors and students who preach anti-byu propaganda at school. get over it.
12. 50 degree weather turned snow
13. dishes in the sink, and clean dishes being taken from the dishwasher without unloading it
14. people that eat tuna. and then leave the can out.
15. people who don't think Seinfeld is funny